Field Testing Gone Awry

Posted on Fri Jul 22nd, 2022 @ 2:04pm by Chief Petty Officer Noah Reed & Ensign Mika Petrova

Mission: In-Between (S1:E2-S1:E3)
Location: Holodeck 2
Timeline: Mission Day 6 at 0630
1779 words - 3.6 OF Standard Post Measure

Mika was glad this exercise took place before breakfast; she got so nervous about these sorts of things that she was sure she might otherwise vomit all over the holodeck floor. This was her first field-test exercise since coming aboard, and she didn't know what to expect. Of course, now that she was in her residency year, she had some experience with these sorts of things. Dr. Reed was an unknown quantity, however, and she didn't know what to expect.

She stopped outside the holodeck, her arms crossed under her prominent chest. She nodded at several crew who passed by, but for the most part, she just tried to keep her stomach out of her throat.

Doctor Reed stepped out of the turbolift and walked up to the curvy form that was Cadet Petrova as she waited by the holodeck. His blue eyes scanned her face as he said, “Good morning, cadet. Did you sleep well last night?” While she responded, he turned to the control panel on the wall and began calling up the program he had in mind for their morning lesson.

“Good morning, sir.” She said with a polite tone, though anyone could tell that her mind was elsewhere. “I slept as well as I always sleep before things like this. How about you?”

She didn’t reveal that the real answer was: barely at all. She had tossed and turned all but the last hour and a half of the night and was quite tired.

Reed pulled his blue eyes away from the control panel and slowly turned to face her as he leaned his shoulder against the bulkhead. He could tell that she was indeed really tired. It made him curious. After all, despite always striving to achieve the best results out of everything, he couldn’t help but think that something else was the cause. He smiled at her and sipped his rich, sweet coffee.

“Petrova, you’re exhausted. And don’t tell me it was because you were up all night fretting over this simple exam.” A single eyebrow shot up as he awaited her answer.

"I...." she responded, her eyes dancing around as she searched her mind. "To be honest, sir, I was down here in the holodeck....running any scenario I could find in the database."

He let out a long, slow sigh and shook his head. “How do you expect to be at your best focus level if you don’t sleep?” He took another sip of his coffee and allowed her time to think about the question. “Your stress regarding testing is hindering your ability, not helping it.”

Mika blinked and cast her brown eyes down to the deck for an instant. With only a few weeks left in her training, she was highly motivated to finish with a bang. Was it true that her hard work was the cause of her lower performance marks. She sighed lightly and looked up at him.

"I just wanted to do a good job," she said, somewhat defensively.

“And you will, if you just allow yourself to expect the unexpected. That’s at the heart of medicine. You never know what will come running through the door to your office. What patients need is a calm, steady hand and a matching demeanor to control the situation and prevent further trauma.” He took another sip of his coffee. “You’ve made it to the end of training. Soon, you’ll be a fully-fledged doctor and will have to rely only on your own training and experience. Fear of failure is a weakness that only holds you back from greatness.”

Mika felt pangs of annoyance in her chest at the suggestion. Not only was this the way she’d done things since she was an adolescent, knowing what would come next was an important part of her coping with life. Being stuck in the Delta Quadrant was more a nightmare than she’d ever let on to anyway, because life had become completely unpredictable. She didn’t know how she felt at any given moment, and she was more self-conscious than ever about sharing that fact.

“So, what, are you saying? I should just stop trying?” She asked, her tone more strained and challenging than usual. “No one wants a doctor who does things halfway. I just want to do a good job. Is that bad?”

Her tone softened at the end as she moved through the cycle of her emotions. This one had a hint of quiet vulnerability.

“Is that... wrong?”

Poor kid, he thought. She strove to be the best, but she just didn't have the wisdom to see that she had already achieved so much and would ultimately be a great, successful doctor. Ambition was a great trait to have but also a double-edged sword. Her pursuit of perfection was a hinderance, an unobtainable state that would always leave her unfulfilled and would leave her unsatisfied. And it wasn't just a bad thing in relation to medicine.

"Cadet... Mika," he said with a soft tone to match hers, "You're doing great but you have to understand that perfection is impossible and will always leave you feeling like a failure. The most important thing you can learn in life is that you'll make mistakes, and you shouldn't be afraid of making them. It's what helps us grow to be better and wiser."

"Okay." she said, blinking. "But I can't just stop being afraid. I am afraid. I'm not supposed to be...or to admit that in the Empire. But I am, and I don't know how to just stop."

She said, turning her head away from him for an instant in order to control her emotions before she started to cry. When she turned back in his direction, she was looking anywhere but at him.

"Can we just get this over with so I can get out of here, please?" she asked, her pretty brown eyes flitting from the light, to the door, to the console.

Reed ignored her pleas and instead addressed her issue head on. “Controlling your fear is the most important skill you can learn for your whole career, cadet.” He lowered his voice and glanced down the hallway without moving his head. His eyes locked onto hers in a serious way. “It can be a useful thing to give to others to get them to do what you want. Conversely, it can destroy you or cause you to be manipulated by others seeking to use you for their own purposes.” He paused a moment to consider her curvy, attractive form but in a way that symbolized sizing her up. “The first step in getting rid of fear is identifying what actually terrifies you. I want you to write an essay explaining each thing that you fear and explain why you fear it.” He paused and relaxed his body a moment, taking a sip of his coffee. “It will just be between us…”

"What does this have to do with medical?" Mika responded, an uncharacteristic sharpness to her tone, an unusual hardness in her eyes. It seems she did have a less than meek side and she was showing it now. "Due respect, Doctor Reed, if I needed a head shrinker, I'd go over to Discipline Inspection and have a professional do it."

She crossed her arms even tighter under her chest and turned away, her face angled down the empty corridor. She was in refusal like a little girl, her pouty lip was getting poutier by the second.

Reed’s face contorted into a frown of disappointment as he raised one eyebrow at her pitiful performance. It only served to remind him that being nice never got an officer anywhere and that was the ultimate weakness. That was what he was trying to convey in the first place. He let out a long, silent sigh as he stepped closer to her.

Spare the rod,...

“The fact that you even suggested voluntarily going to DI only proves that you have a lot to learn about how the Imperial Starfleet works.” He paused a moment to let that sink in before continuing, “I know that you’re used to getting your way and that you might have a hard time accepting outcomes you don’t like but if you have an attitude like this one, you’ll just be someone’s pawn. I was trying to do you a favor.”

The pouting went on for several more moments, though her eyes have returned to him. She said nothing, but merely blinked in his direction, neither speaking out in defiance nor giving any statements of submission. Was she really going to have to write this essay he was talking about or was he going to do what she wanted and take her into the simulation. She pondered the possibilities of going to her mother about this and forcing the issue, but that felt too much like running home with a scraped knee. She sighed.

He couldn’t quite tell if she was accepting the assignment and merely resigning herself to the outcome or if she still hadn’t put her behavior back into proper position. It was always a fine line teaching children of powerful people. Too lenient and they view you as weak. Too strict and a relative might come calling to eliminate the problem. She may be the captain’s daughter but he was their only physician aboard the ship, with many years of experience in the service of the Empire. While it didn’t guarantee that he would be impervious to discipline or external forces, it did give him a slightly more valuable position aboard the ship, and he knew it.

“Alright,” he finally said. “I’ll give you today and tomorrow to write it up. Until then, you’re dismissed, cadet.”

As a teenager, she might have shouted at him, but now she knew better and her hormones were in a slightly better place. She simply turned and walked away. This wasn't the result she wanted, but the way she figured, once she was done with this assignment she would get her commission and be done with the whole business.

Reed watched her silently walk down the corridor, his eyes narrowing slightly as he wondered what was going through her mind. He didn't expect any treachery from her but then again, she was young and naive about many things that life would have to teach her. He just hoped that life wouldn't deem fit to teach him a lesson along with her.